Monday, July 19, 2010

Exhausted

Last night I had a really bad night and I wasn't able to fall asleep.  I was sitting around feeling sorry for myself and missing being married and got all sad and depressed.  The thought of having to meet men and date and be single is scary.  I get irritated just thinking about it.  I am so over the dating scene and meeting guys who are trying to sell themselves (not prostitutes but just make themselves sound perfect) when I know that they all have flaws and are just normal people like me.  I hate that I have to make myself into a walking resume in regards to dating.....eeewww!!!  I don't want to have to advertise how good of a cook I am (that would be lying but I won't tell if you won't tell LOL), telling someone about my interests and hobbies.  What guy cares that I love to do crafts and my dream is to one day have my very own scrapbooking room (this would be a dream come true by the way).  This sucks....whoever said being Single was a good thing lied!!! 

My toes are cold at night because I have no one to warm them against.  All the work around the house is waiting for me every day when I get home, no one is there to help share the chores with me.  I have no one there to tell when I am having a bad day or to tell about something exciting when it happens.  I really miss these things!!

Let me tell you a few things that I do not miss....

I don't have to worry about anyone eating in my bed!!!

The money I earn is mine and mine alone....I do have 3 sons to share that money with and buy everything for but I get to decide what, when and how.

I do not have to clean up after anyone other than the boys and I.

If I don't feel like cooking dinner, I can make sandwiches and the boys are just as happy.

If I want to stay up all night reading I don't have to worry about a husband waking up to the light being on and telling me to go to bed.

When I get in the car I never have to adjust the seat...it is always as I left it.

I don't have to shave unless I want to and feel like it!!!

I have one less mouth to feed and that means a lot less cooking when I cook...not that I do a lot of that since I came here to Iceland.

My hopes and dreams for the future can be whatever I want them to be and I don't have to adjust them or alter them to make someone else happy....like moving to Chicago hmm hmm!!!

In other words there are a lot of good things about being single.  It just takes some getting used to and I need to have days where I can feel sorry for myself and miss married life.  

Last night my feeling sorry for myself kept me from sleeping and I went to work this morning at 5:30 AM after getting no sleep and I am telling you all.....I am running on fumes!!!  I have already told my sister and her husband that I am going to sleep at 6 PM (I get home a few minutes before then).  No I have to make myself stay up and spend a little bit of time with the boys before I pass out.

I have to get going now because we are gonna be getting really busy here at work in a few minutes.  Break is over and time to get back to the grind before I fall asleep on my keyboard LOL.

Have a great Monday!!!

4 comments:

Stacey said...

I remember feeling this way, but you get over it! lol :)

3LittleMonkeys said...

I bow down to you...and all the single moms out there! What you do is amazing!

And you don't have to shave your legs!!! So jealous of that one....

Murdock's mama said...

Aww...these days are tough! Such a roller coaster isn't it?! I'm thinking of you guys!

Pennie said...

Oh, honey! Being a single mom must be tough...I do feel for you. And, the dating scene would be weird after being married and all...
but think of it this way -
you'll get the romance when it's good...
and when it's bad you can tell us all about it and make us laugh! (I know, that's not nice...what can I say? I'm just trying to make you laugh...)
Sorry you are having a bad night/day. Like Stacey said - looks like you get over it after a while...
I'm thinking of you though, Helga! Hang in there and enjoy the good points. Bad days never last forever!