Tuesday, January 5, 2010

Truthful Tuesdays and Toot Your Horn Tuesday

Confessions from a Working Mom

Elizabeth over at Confessions from a working Mom has a great blog carnival on Tuesdays called Truthful Tuesdays. If you would like to join in and/or read what others wrote just click on the button above.

The question of the week is...

Have you ever lost something and came out a winner???

I can't think of anything to write in response to that other than the same thing Elizabeth wrote. I lost a really good friend and I came out better for it in the end.

My friend and I became close really fast. We started talking and realized that we had a lot in common and started hanging out all the time. She lived about 100 steps from me so it didn't take long for us to go to each others houses. We spent every day together and had family dinners together, shopped together, watched movies together...you get the point.

This friend of mine lost her daughter about 6 or 7 years ago and around the anniversary of her daughters death my friend was acting really strange. She was talking all slurred and didn't make sense. I chalked it up to depression and maybe not getting enough sleep...first stage of denial. I asked my friend if there was something other than her daughters death going on and she said no. Okay I believed her.

Then about a month later my friends husband went away for a week and things got bad....really bad. My friend came over to my house drugged out of her mind. She brought her two daughters over here and as soon as I saw her I knew what I was in denial about before. My friend was on drugs!!! Big time!!

I confronted my friend about her drug use. Asked her what she was taking. She told me it was just prescription drugs and I didn't need to be worried at all. The doctor gave her these pills to help her with the loss of her daughter. I knew things were bad when I heard her story. I talked to my friend and told her she needed to stay sober for her daughters because their Daddy was away and she had to take care of them and she couldn't do it if she was drugged out of her mind.

My friend did good. She was sober until her husband came home and then things just got even worse. My friend took so many pills in a four day stretch that I am amazed that she is still alive. My husband and myself as well as another friend spent a lot of time over at this friends house trying to help her and her husband and most of all making sure the little girls were taken care of. My friend needed to go to rehab bad, but she refused. She said she could quit on her own.

She went through withdrawal many times and always started back up again because it was too hard to stay sober. I tried to be there for her but it was affecting my marriage and my family so bad that I finally told my friend that I couldn't be friends with her anymore. She said so many nasty things to me and my husband in the many times that she was drugged up that it is really hard to keep taking those insults and not be offended. She doesn't remember half the things she said to us but I remember and I always will remember.

It took months for me to get over this friendship and I had to tell this friend many times that I did not want to be her friend anymore before she finally left me alone. She used to cry and come over all the time, I had to hide in my house because like I said, she lives a hundred steps away and she could see when I was home. She would watch me every time I left the house. I know she is really hurt because I had to close the door completely on her and her family. I loved them all as if they were my own, I miss her daughters so much it hurts. Dewayne and I have often talked about how hard it is to not be able to see the girls as much as we used to.

In the end this is better for me and my family. I was overwhelmed with the drug abuse and I couldn't do anything to help her sober up. I felt really guilty for not being able to help her and I felt obligated to be her friend. I felt like I couldn't walk away from her when I felt like she needed me the most. It has taken me a very long time to get over the guilt of walking away. The guilt of leaving the girls behind. The guilt of what if something bad happens. But the truth is, I did everything I could and I have to put my husband and children first.

My friend is a wonderful person when she is sober, she is fun, creative, full of life, the most loving mother and wife and she has such a great sense of humor. I want nothing but the best for her and her family.

Holy Talidos, this was a lot longer than I thought it would be. I didn't think I had anything to write about LOL.

MckLinky Blog Hop

On to Toot Your Horn Tuesday. Toot Your Horn Tuesday is a blog carnival created by Leah over at A Silly Little Sparrow, this is a great way to Toot your horn about something you have done or accomplished and want to pat your own back for. Or get pats on the back from other bloggers :o) If you want to play along and/or read other peoples Toots click on the button above.

This morning I woke up at 4 so I could take Dewayne to the airport. I was back a little after 6 and instead of going back to bed (I had to wake the big boys up at 7) I decided to get some stuff done around the house. By 8 AM I had already cleaned my stove (I did the oven yesterday), cleaned my refrigerator inside and out, under the refrigerator, cleaned all the baseboards in the kitchen and scrubbed the floors.

I have my pre-inspection on Thursday and I want to make sure everything is perfect when they come. I am going to clean my carpets tomorrow so they are nice and clean. I am going to clean my bathrooms when I get off this computer (I don't know if that is going to happen anytime soon).

I also have half the kitchen packed and besides that I only have the big boys's rooms left and then I am done with the whole house!!! Hallelujah!!! I can't wait to finish packing, I am so over living in Box City. I feel like my house is a mess all the time and it is driving me bananas.


3LittleMonkeys said...

What a hard thing to go through with a friend. I hope she found the help she needed, professional help!
I always used to think that losing a friend was MY fault. But then I relaized it's a 2-way street. And some friends are meant to be there during certain periods of your life, no more!

Confessions From A Working Mom said...

Wow, I also hope your friend ultimately got the help she really needed. Since you also blogged about a lost friendship, guess what? I just found out today that hte ex-friend I wrote my post about is finally pregnant. There is still a part of me, even now, that wonders in the way-back of my mind if there's new life ahead for our relationship now that she finally has what she wanted, and couldn't be friends with me because of.

Confessions From A Working Mom

Laura said...

Wow, what a hard situation for you with your friend. Of course you always have to put your family first but I'm sure it was difficult. What a story to share, it shows how wonderful you are!

Pennie said...

Wow. Your friend is lucky to have a friend like you, to have somebody who stuck with her and tried EVERYTHING POSSIBLE before letting go.
But, you are so right...your family must come first. Definitely. Crossign that line would do nobody any good.
Man, what a tough lesson for you. But, a good one. Ouch.
And, for your "Toot Your Horn" - you go, girl!!!! :) The Amazing Helga does it again! Rock on, girlfriend! (This will be over before you know it...but probably not a moment too soon for you!) :) You need to start posting "Before" and "After" pictures of the rooms daily - lol!

Erin said...

Crazy friend story! You are awesome to get all that cleaning done that early in the morning. And to think I was proud of myself for getting the dishes and a load of laundry done before 9:00! You put me to shame! LOL