Thursday, March 25, 2010

The Truth

I want to start out by saying that I am always honest on this blog. Everything that I say/write is the truth. Sometimes I just don't tell the whole truth, just parts of it. I am not a famous blogger, I never took an oath to write everything that happens in my life on this blog. I started this blog for me. I didn't really let anyone know that I had a blog. I wanted to be able to write whatever I wanted without having to worry about who was reading my blog. Eventually people found out, mostly through other people and so forth. I started monitoring what I wrote.

Part of monitoring what I write about is because some of the things that happen are hard for my family in Iceland to read. If I am hurting, it hurts me more to know that my Mamma is worried about me and hurting for me and she is so far away. I guess part of that comes from closing myself off from people too.

Because I have lived so far away from all of my family for so long now, I have kind of become more closed off. I felt I was doing that to protect us all. It hurts to live this far away from everyone you love.

Now it is time to come out and tell some of the story. I say some of the story because, all of the story is not your business (no offense).

I feel like a fake for the post that I wrote on my anniversary last week.

Dewayne and I are not happy!

We have been struggling to hold on to our marriage for a long time.

We separated twice in one year. Each time resulting in a 3 month separation. No one really knew about the second one. I only told my family about the first one because my Mamma saw that the TV was missing out of our living room when I was talking to her on the computer (he took the TV with him).

The second time we separated we went to a marriage counselor and she was great. She helped us learn a lot of ways to fight fairly (yes, fight fair!!!) and she also taught us how to speak to each other properly and learn to respect each other again. This marriage counselor was wonderful....too bad she lives in VA Beach and we now live in Illinois!!!

The thing is.....

Even with the marriage counselors help, we were struggling.

I love the man with all my heart but we think that it is best for us to separate.

I am going to move back to Iceland. I leave the states on April 20th and get to Iceland on April 21st.

This was a hard decision to make but I have all of my family there and I have a house and a car there. Here I have nothing and I don't know anyone here in Illinois. I have no job and we have one car between us that I can't afford to pay for by myself.

I have decided that I am going to start school in the fall and get my degree. Right now the plan is to go to Law school.

The boys are handling this good, they are excited at the idea of moving back home and living near family again. Kobe is going to have a really hard time because he is such a Daddy's boy. Dewayne will get Kobe every summer and I will have him during the winter.

We are trying to iron out the small details but the plane tickets have been bought and the decision has been made.

We are going our separate way!!!


Stacey said...

So sorry that you are going through this. Remember that this is your blog, and you can say and not say whatever you want.
I wish you luck with this, and I hope things will work out for the best.

Dagbok Huldar said...


Eg aetla ad hringja i thig.


Murdock's mama said...

I just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of all of you during this extremely difficult time. Hang in there and remember everything happens for a reason!


ham1299 said...

(((Hugs))) I'm so very sorry! You will be in my prayers!

I live in Illinois, too, but it's a big state. We likely aren't close. But, if you wanna talk, shoot me an e-mail ham1299(at)gmail(dot)com

Mama (Heidi) said...

Praying for you and your boys to have a smooth transition. I'm so sorry that you are going through this.
Do not feel guilty for what you do or do not share on your blog.

Jamie said...

I'm so sorry to hear you and the boys are going through this. It was so very brave of you to share this with us all. I don't know what your plans are for the blog after this but I hope you keep it going even if in some small way. We your readers have come to know and care about you all and selfishly it would be sad to not know that everything is well again. Best wishes to you all and safe travels - Jamie

Pennie said...

Oh, Helga. My heart breaks for you and I am near tears. None of us knows any one of us 100%. And the reason you put up a front? You're right - because it IS none of our business - so there! :) You only have to reveal what you want. One thing you haven't faked - your heart. It is beautiful. And another thing? The friendship we've forged. I assume you're keeping this blog? I do hope so! Because I feel like you have become a true friend - even if we've never met in person. ANd, I'd love to keep in touch. You are my pen-pal! :)
Prayers and hugs and well wishes, Helga!

Laura said...

Oh Helga, I am so sorry!! Praying for your whole family and smooth travels and also the boys, it's hard to go through this when kids are involved! I wish there was more I could do for you! {hugs}

Erin said...

Oh Helga I'm so sorry! That is so hard with all the kids and everything. I hope that it goes smoothly and that your trip is safe. I wish I could come give you a hug right now.

3LittleMonkeys said...

Helga, sorry to hear about this. But at least you are following your hearts and doing what you both feel is best. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult journey. I hope you still have your blog when you are in Iceland!

Maura said...

I was teary eyed as I read this. I am sure you life in Iceland will be wonderful. And it will be so nice to be close to family to help you and the boys through this rough spot.

How open of you to share what is going on in your life here. I know it is not easy but know that everyone that reads this blog loves and supports you.

I can't wait to hear about your new adventures back home. And I can't wait to see pics. I hear Iceland is beautiful!!

Thora said...

Elsku Helga mín,
ég kem alveg af fjöllum, vildi óska að ég gæti gert eitthvað fyrir þig, ég hef ekki símann þinn, ef þú hefur minn máttu endilega hringja í mig!!

kv. þóra

Sigurborg aka Sig said...

segi það sama og Þóra... þykir þetta mjög svo leitt en ég veit að þú tóks þá ákvörðun sem var rétt fyrir ykkur. Engin á að hanga í óhamingjusömu sambandi just because! Knús á þig skvís og góða ferð heim.

Jamie H said...

So sorry to hear that things did not work for you guys. At least it sounds like you tried. Moving again after just getting to IL must be tough too. Thinking of you and wishing you the best of luck as you begin your new life. Will continue to follow your journey.

Mama M. said...

Oh, man, Helga. I'm so sorry...

I am so sorry that you are experiencing such, well, crap. I hope that your move to Iceland will bring the peace you need!

You seem like an incredibly strong woman, so I have no doubt that you will succeed in whatever you do!