Wednesday, April 7, 2010

Am I doing the right thing??

In 13 days I leave this country and move to a whole different world.  I move to a place where they speak a whole nother language, eat different food, wear a different style of clothes and live a different way of life.  Two of my children do not speak the language anymore, they can understand it but they do not speak it.  Are they going to be happy there?  Is Markus going to be able to speak the language?  Is Markus going to be happy there?  How is Kobe going to handle being away from his Daddy?  How am I going to handle being a single Mom?  How am I going to handle this all alone?

I keep asking myself if this is the right decision!  I am really nervous about starting all over again.  I am really nervous about having to move to Iceland.  I love the states and chose to move here and now I am moving away.  The main reason why I am moving to Iceland is because my family is there so I will have their support and help.  I would never be able to go to school full time in the states being alone with 3 boys.  I wouldn't have anywhere to go to start my life if I stayed here in the states.  I have had offers from people telling me I could stay with them but I can't live with someone else with 3 boys.  That would be too hard on us and too hard on them.

One of the things that I am having such a hard time with is....I can't take my stuff!!  I know it is just stuff and it is replaceable but dang it...I love my stuff!!!   As I am packing up my things, I keep realizing that I am going to have to leave a lot more stuff than I realized.  I am most worried about my scrapbooking stuff, I love to scrapbook and I have A LOT of scrapbooking stuff.  I want to take that with me more than anything else.  Yesterday I packed the papers in boxes to send to Iceland and I am really afraid that I am not going to be able to send the papers because they will be too heavy.

I sent a box out on Monday that weighed 17 lbs and it cost me $80 to send it.  These boxes with papers in them weigh about 30 lbs (at least) each!  The thing is, scrapbooking paper is really expensive in Iceland and I don't want to have to start that collection all over again!  I am really torn about this!

I have to leave all my Christmas stuff!!!  I have such a beautiful collection of Christmas stuff and I am broken hearted to have to leave it behind.  I have asked Dewayne to keep my Christmas stuff until I move back stateside (in 6-7 years) but I don't know if he would do that for me.  He says he will but who knows what's going to happen in all that time.

Yes, I would like some cheese with my whine!!!  I am having a feeling sorry for myself Wednesday!  I have to sell all my belongings in two days and I don't know if I can!


3LittleMonkeys said...

You are allowed to vent! You are going through a tough time right now it's totally normal to be questioning your decision. But only you know what is best for your boys! Personally, I think it will be great for you and your boys to be around your family! Do what's in your heart. As far as the material can be replaced, but family can't! Stay strong girl!

Jamie H said...

So sorry you are going through this! Hang in there! What is best for you IS the right decision.

somer said...

Man, you are going through a lot right now. Your family is on my heart and in my prayers!

Stacey said...

I think you being with your family is the best thing for you to do. I wouldn't like not being able to take my stuff with me either, so you can whine all you want to!

Laura said...

I can only imagine how you're feeling, and you are definitely allowed to vent about it! Everything will work out and I agree with the other girls that family is the important thing!

Pennie said...

Oh, Honey...whine away. If I had to narrow down all my stuff - sheesh! That would stink!
You know what's best for the boys. Cut yourself some slack.
And, you'll build your stock of paper in Iceland...take your favorites and leave it at that. Have Dewayne keep the rest - with your Christmas stuff (it will all be "vintage" in 6-7 years!) ;) You'll have to take his word - you have no choice.

And the boys? If your plan is to come back in 6-7 years, you can always dangle that carrot in front of them if they really don't like it there ("We're only here for a short time...") 6-7 years will fly by, I'll bet. Before you know it, you'll be packing those suitcases again. Ugh.

Dagbok Huldar said...

Takk fyrir gott spjall Helga min.
Heyrumst fljotlega aftur.


Erin said...

Whine away! It's a big decision and one that is totally allowed to have second thoughts. Shoot I'd probably be having 12th and 13th thoughts. You can do it and you know what's best for you and the boys. Just a side note I LOVE the laptop and I think you'll make an awesome lawyer!