Tuesday, April 13, 2010

7 Suitcases packed

As of tonight I have 7 suitcases packed.  I have gone through most of my clothes and packed them and now I need to go to the store and buy one or two more suitcases and pack the rest of the stuff and then I should be done.

I had to go through a lot of stuff today and some of it was really hard, going through the baby clothes and deciding what to keep and what to donate (these are all clothes that I wanted to keep until the next baby comes along in the family...not me).  I teared up tried not to cry as I went through all of the things I had to donate.  I don't have to keep everything but I have a weird need to keep Kobe's baby things.  I think it is just because I know I will never have another baby and I am trying to hold on to my last baby.

I have been crying a lot lately.  Pretty much once a day for the last week or so.  I am having a hard to coming to terms with the fact that I am moving away and that my marriage is done.  I love Dewayne and I never thought I would be the kind of person who was going to be divorced.  I wanted to be one of the few that only gets married once and stays married forever.  I know we are making the best decision but it still hurts.

Dewayne is being really supportive and lets me cry it out and he even bought me a purse the other day to try to make me feel better :o)  It worked...I felt better at that moment!  I was telling Dewayne that I am looking forward to leaving because it is hard to live with the man that I am getting a divorce from.  It is hard to have to live as if we are fine and everything is honky dory.  I am looking forward to starting my new life and I am looking forward to seeing my family. 

I am not looking forward to knowing that I am leaving my husband, that I will never sleep next to him again, that I won't be able to go to him if I am having a hard day or won't be able to cry on his shoulder when I need to. 

I know this all probably sounds weird...I am leaving the man and I am talking about how much I am going to miss him.  I have been with him for almost 4 years, I love him but we just don't get along.  We are better apart. 

I am going to stop now...I am starting to blabber on and on and I don't even know if it makes any sense.  I need to go to sleep now so I can continue packing tomorrow.  I want to finish packing so I can take the boys to the museum this week and also I want to finish packing so I don't have to do it anymore....I'm beyond over packing!!!  I hate packing and I hate moving!!!

Good night everyone!!


After posting this post I thought and saw two other things I wanted to add to this post.

1st- this is my 300th post!!! :o)  I think that is pretty cool!!!

2nd-you know what I am going to miss???  My shows that I watch on TV.  Iceland has one channel that is free (in that sense...everyone in Iceland has to pay some sort of a tax that makes this channel free).  There are only a few other channels and you have to pay an arm and a leg to get them.  I don't think I am going to pay to get these channels, I am going to see how we do without them.

I am really going to miss my shows on TV though, I watch some shows and DO NOT miss them.  Greys Anatomy, Private Practice, Biggest Loser, Army Wives (LOVE THIS SHOW), Drop Dead Dive (I love the first season and was really excited to watch it some more), Law and Order SVU, etc. 

Night time is my time and I like to lay in bed watch my shows and knit.  It's really going to suck missing out on my shows :o(

Okay, I am done with editing this post.  I am going to get back to my Criminal Minds....I watch re-runs on ION television everynight.  I record the shows and then watch them after everything else is over....I'm gonna miss my shows :o(

Good night again!!!


Shana said...

I am not sure what to say because I don't believe in divorce but I do understand it happens. If you know you are doing the right thing then eventually the pain will ease. i will pray for you to have some peace.

Pennie said...

Duwayne sounds like he's being a really nice guy. And, it sounds like you're grateful for that. That is a blessing. Expect tears. I'd be more worried about you if there weren't any. Really.
About tv - can't you find some of those shows on-line? I know I watch some of my abc and nbc shows on abc and nbc .com - maybe you can watch your on those network sites - you can get internet free, right? I know your mom reads my blog from Iceland, right? Didn't you tell me that once? Maybe you can get your shows (a day late, but still...) on-line.

Dagbok Huldar said...

Divorce is hard.It is hard on everybody involved. :( You will be fine, the distance will make things easier on you.

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