Worrying

This weekend I found a lump in my left breast and I am really worried.  I have a doctors appointment tomorrow morning at 7 and I have been trying to stay positive about this but damnit it's so hard.  The what if's keep popping into my head and sometimes I feel like crying but I keep telling myself I need to stay positive.  Last night I could not sleep because I had such weird dreams, the only one I really remember was dreaming that Kobe was standing holding onto a table and he was choking on some food and his face was blue and no one was able to help him.  I woke up from that dream and ran into his room to check on him and he was sleeping so peacefully.  I went back to bed and tried my all not to cry because the dream seemed so real.  I just held onto Dewayne for dear life and tried to go back to sleep.  When I finally fell back to sleep Dewayne turned over and woke me back up and it took me forever to fall back to sleep.  This morning I am so tired and so stressed out that I snapped at Dewayne when he was here during lunch and I snapped at Tyrique this morning because of his hair.  I can't wait till after the doctors appointment tomorrow so I can feel better.  Ok well I am going to lay on the couch and try to relax while the kids are sleeping.  I will let you know how the appointment goes tomorrow morning.